Talking to car sales men with littles is a daunting task on a good day. Add in the snow, the fact that the new car is now acting up, and once again it is dinner time. Recipe for a perfect storm. I felt the pressure inside building, and when the three of them started shoving each other and running through the car lot, I realized I had a choice to make.
I called a stop to the madness. Piled the kids in the car and headed home to find something to eat. Called my parents to watch the kids so I could go back. Took a quick minute to pray and ask for peace.
Even in the frustration of the moment, there came some peace. I didn’t explode; there was no yelling or screaming. Was it still a bit bumpy? Yes. Can I still improve in the future? Yes. Imperfect Progress!
H. A. L. T.
I’m not sure where I picked this up this week — I’ve taken some classes and revisited my CoDA notes. I should have flagged it with a sticky note (which I’m famous for), but I didn’t. When I stumble on it again, I will come back and give the proper credit. It is a quick internal check when I feel that storm coming on
It works perfectly into the grace steps. I HALT and take a quick temperature check. Then I can extend the grace steps to the situation. Just like in the car lot, I realized I was hungry and tired, and so were the kids. I was also upset that the new car I had had for a week was acting up, and there wasn’t really anything anyone could do. Going home to eat was the best move for everyone.
Grace for Myself
I was in the shower this week talking to God about what was going on since that is the only time I seem to have a bit of privacy. I pointed out to Him all the reasons why I was unlovable. I’m not sure what prompted this, just a low day.
Twice divorced, mom of 5 kids, driven to action, too many interests, demands high expectations. Basically, I’m intimidating as hell on a good day, and on a bad one . . . I’m not sure. I brought up all the items I counted as failures as proof of what I do wrong, thought about what other people have said that backed those failures up. The lump in my throat swelled the words until I choked on the tears that welled up.
Just as the tears started to fall freely, I realized something. That is who people say I am. It is not who God says I am. I need to extend the same grace I’m working on giving those around me to the person inside me. It honestly starts there. I am just as important as the other people in my life – not more, not less. Same. God loves me just as much. I know I’ve posted this song before, but I had to play it for myself again (and again, and again).
In my Bible study this week, I started to keep an eye out for who God says I am. I’ve accepted Lysa’s challenge to imperfect progress, and I’m extending grace to myself. Baby steps that are going to change the trajectory of what I’ve been doing.
Call to Action
This morning, the littles and I made blueberry muffins. The older two measured, Baby dumped and mixed, I supervised and read the instructions. While the mixture was baking, the kids colored, and I drank my coffee and reflected.
Things have changed this month, Everything might not be exactly where I want it to be, and that is okay. I need to celebrate the successes we have: a functioning bedtime routine, less time cleaning the house, one date night completed for the year.
When C came home for a visit, she mentioned how nice things were looking. I shrugged, seeing all the improvement I still need to work on. “Mom, you don’t see it because you are in the middle of it. But, walking back in after being gone a month, I notice.” And there is the grace I had forgotten to give myself. Given to me. Like it always has been and always will be as long as I turn to the correct source.
As we wrap up this book and goal, what is your major take-away? Mine is I need to extend grace to myself. Stop taking me so serious and expecting myself to be and act prefect in all thing at all times. Be human, and embrace life as it is. Leave me a comment about what changed for you this month.
Meanwhile, I’m going to go up, ignore my To Do list for another 20 minutes while I read a chapter of our book with the kids. Imperfect progress.