Baby’s new favorite game to play is telling jokes. While we make dinner, he asks, “Why can’t you give Elsa a hot dog? Because she will let it go!”. Strapped into his car seat to run errands, his little voice will pipe up, “Why can’t you give Elsa a puppy? Because she will let it go!”. Just before bed, he will whisper, “Why can’t you give Elsa my blanket? Because I will call the Police!”
This week’s step is:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
Seems like a pretty easy step, especially for someone who has already dedicated her life as a Christian. You’ll notice that I’m almost two weeks behind my scheduled goal. This step has been a lot harder to get through.
I’ve realized something about myself that I don’t like — I manipulate. Things aren’t going quite the way I want, so I “make a suggestion” to how it should go. I have caught myself pouting when a collective decision isn’t what I asked for. I demand that certain things be done in a specific way. Often times, I harbor negative thoughts and feelings, and if it turns out a different decision should have been made, I gloat that I was right.
Not qualities I’m proud of by any means.
Starting a God Book
In one of my meetings, the facilitator and I were the only two people on the call. She decided to run the meeting anyway. In the course of the meeting, she called me on my behaviors. She gently pointed out that I was trying to control the situation and I needed to let some things go. “Haven’t you started a God Book yet?” she asked.
I was baffled. What in the world was a God Book? She explained it was a book where you write the things that are bothering you or that you want others to change. Then, you let it go because you have given it to God — see, it’s written in His book.
That night I pulled out a half used notebook and started writing. I am finding that I can give up the feeling of needing to control once it is written down. When this notebook is filled up, I plan on having a campfire and just watching it float away as ashes. Reminds me of the Tibetan Prayer Flags that are on my bucket list to see in person.
The Questions
Here are a few of the questions from The Workbook that stopped me in my tracks.
- How do I know I need to let go? How do you let go?
- Is this where I let go of results? How does letting go of results help us to work this Step better?
- If I cannot trust myself, how can I trust my Higher Power?
Finding balance is super difficult for me. How do I have goals yet let go of the results? Does using a vision board to focus on my future create expectations that make reality too difficult? Can I learn to trust myself and my decisions when my way of thinking and doing have gotten me into this mess in the first place?
Driving around, listening to music, and thinking things over, this song came up.
It’s Process
If you watch Frozen, you come to realize that Elsa didn’t know the extent of her powers — they continued to grow over time. As she learned more, she used them differently. Used them to enrich the lives of the people around her instead of keeping her from them. I can learn a lot from watching Elsa.
As I learn to trust, learn how to use my talents, learn to let go, the gates are going to open up.
A few tools that are suggested in The Workbook:
- Be still, accept our feelings, don’t take any action to make them go away.
- Ask for help. We don’t have to do it alone.
- Use the Serenity Prayer and meditate.
- Repeat after me: “I am capable of changing”
So, this week, how are you going to practice letting go?
Letting go …Ya know, before I read your post, I honestly thought I was pretty good at letting go. I was able to let go of my Carri when that time came. I was able to let go of Patty when that day arrived. Well, “let go” meaning I wasn’t angry at the Lord or with life…missed them – still do – but we all had time to gracefully let go and be grateful for those memories remaining. With the quarantine and the old school being torn down I was able to let go of teaching relatively easily. I still struggle with letting go of old injuries to others – Patty’s abuser, James, Trevor, Jared E, Kali’s ex “Al”, pedophiles, etc……I am doing MUCH better with the whole forgiving thing when it comes to MaryAnn and Minnesota **YAY ME!**
HOWEVER – I now recognize I struggle “letting go” of friends that have moved on and outgrown me – my usefulness. So, thanks to you, I am getting better at forgiveness (well, kinda anyway) and I will work on Letting Go
You truly amaze and astound me – I love your words
It has been almost 2 months since you wrote this …. I have read through it a few times but I just finished “The One and Only Ivan”. Combined this feels a lot like getting hit with a little elephant trunk below the belt 😉
Ivan, for whatever reason, really hit me HARD. I read it from beginning to end after I got home today with emotional pauses to collect my self before moving on toward the zoo. Good story as is but so much symbolism embedded for me
I know you did not recommend the book for ME specifically but the timing was powerful – I want to “see your art”
I want to hear & read your words
I feel/think/know you & your words will change lives and I hope to be able to see that – to see YOU be seen and recognized by those who may not know you personally, may not ever be able to greet you, or hug you, or express their gratitude face-to-face but who will be better able to live better lives because of what you survived, what you shared, and who you are
Thanks-a-mundo for the post. Much thanks again. Much obliged. Winonah Kirk Gussie
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