The day my first husband and I decided we were going to file for divorce I had a huge car wreck.
Just before I hit the cement wall that did this damage, I sincerely asked God to just let me die. My eyes opened to see smoke and loose papers settling, my ears were ringing, my arms hurting. I obviously got a resounding “No” to my request.
Why do I tell you this? Because chapter 9 is all about closed doors.
- Wrong Doors. These are the ones we knock at that deep down we know aren’t the right thing; it’s a case of my will, instead of God’s will. I was a dancer in a past life. After my divorce, I tried to get back into that world hoping that I could go professional and make a name for myself doing what I passionately loved. I got back into classes, talked to professionals, and realized at the end of a dance concert that this wasn’t going to go the way I had hopped. I still love dancing and miss it desperately some days, but it was not the door I was meant to step through.
- There is something better. I remember a story I read several years ago. A little girl had a string of plastic pearls she loved very much, and it was rare for her to be without them. One night, after getting home from a long business trip, her Daddy came to tuck her into bed. He asked her, “Do you love me?” She giggled, “Yes Daddy, I love you.” “Then give me your pearls.” SHe refused, her Daddy kissed her head and left. This went on for several nights, each night getting more emotional for both of them. Finally after her Daddy asked, “Do you love me?” She nodded and solemnly handed over her beloved plastic pearls, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her Daddy, tears also streaming down his cheeks, took her pearls and presented her with a strand of real pearls. I wonder how many times do I cling to my plastic pearls when real ones are waiting for me to just let go?
- The call is to “Grow” instead of “Go”. I was really hoping to change careers this summer. I’ve been teaching special education for ten years, and I’m feeling tired. I interviewed for three different jobs — no offers. I worked on starting a business — timing is not working out. I was talking to a friend who asked me if maybe I needed to be looking for a different solution. Maybe I needed to grow in something instead of go and do something. Gulp! I had been suspecting that was the case, but I needed someone to point out the obvious – I have part of the Jonah Complex we talked about last post. I’ve enrolled in a few classes that I hope will help me grow in the areas that I’ve been struggling with in my classroom, and I’m back into prayer asking for a heart softening.
- God has other plans. Often when I think of opened doors, I imagine big projects and big things happening. Often, it is small things done faithfully that builds something grand. There is a fabulous song by Josh Wilson titled “Dream Small” that makes me realize that my big dreams are built by walking through the small doors daily.
Doesn’t it seems that when you come to a closed door, it usually is a combination of all of these. The trick is to keep walking and knocking on what looks like a wall. There is usually an opened door somewhere. “Always remember, thou hast only to follow the wall far enough”.
Ultimately, we aren’t really looking for the opened doors; we are looking for the One who opens doors.
Wrapping up this goal, and wishing you all opened doors — big and small — and the courage to step through them when you find them!